Frame is a word thrown around a lot in the seduction community, with the daygame community being no exception. Despite this, a comprehensive definition is hard to find.
We start with the basics. Frame is fundamental to any human negotiation. The definition we will use is as follows:
Frame is a mental representation of the world, including value judgments, morals and markers to direct attention.
This is a dense definition, so let’s unpack it. The world is infinitely complex. The resolution and the variables that govern the universe are infinite: we talk about objects, about molecules and about atoms, they are all meant to explain the same reality, but all work fundamentally different. This is the task of a brain that tries to understand the world, to summarise everything into a comprehensible framework.
However, neurologically speaking, the brain is computationally bounded, it cannot capture everything, so something has to give. Therefore, the brain simplifies and categorizes. Our perceived world is nothing like reality. For example, if you want to get nerdy about it, vision and sound are inventions of the brain to make sense of radiational or vibrational waves. Heat is radiation, no different than light, but we don’t “see” heat.
These are some hints that the brain plays an active role (proactively predicting the world), rather than passively interpreting the world (reacting to signals). The end result is that our preconception of the world matters for what we make out of the world. In simple terms, if your head is black, you will see the world black.
Hence, frame, or our prior bias to the world, will affect how we experience the world. For example, you are out to daygame on a busy shopping street. You walk the pavement, and your eyes wander from girl to girl. Maybe some will check you out, and your head will scream IOI. What you certainly don’t notice are the shops, the beggars, and the people working for the charity asking for donations. Now imagine you were a shopper or a traveller searching for a coffee shop. The people would blur out as you focus on the shops.
Two people, two different perceptions of the same place. The difference is the frame. One is daygaming, one is shopping and everything in regards to (their) perception stems from this birthing idea: “I am daygaming/shopping, therefore…”
Realities Clashing
What if two people with different worldviews (frames) need to interact with each other? If communication and cooperation is to ensue, a shared narrative needs to be established. That is a frame battle: which worldview will prevail. This is the reason why frame is central in every human negotiation, including seduction. Think about it, you walk the street, spot a target, and your thoughts are “I would like some of that”; her thoughts are probably mild indifference. Unless both frames converge into a shared narrative, communication doesn’t ensue.
Winning the frame battle is important, the person who sets the worldview has the capacity to set the local rules of perception. This is not as negative as it sounds, that is the essence of leadership. By definition, the leader sets the rules of the group understanding for others to follow. For example, in your group of friends, one has the reputation (frame) of the expert foodie; he suggests a restaurant, and everyone follows. Or we all agree that Venice is THE place for vacation (frame), when we organise a group vacation, everyone votes for Venice.
Sometimes a shared frame can be used to exclude options. We are all hungry (frame one), and McDonald’s is shit (frame two), so we will go to the Italian restaurant next to it. Some other times, for example, in seduction, we can’t win the big battle (the lay), so we win smaller battles, “we should get coffee”, “we should hold hands”, “we should kiss”, etc.
The mechanics of a frame battle
Let’s do a thought experiment. What is the best color?
Is it yellow that attracts attention but tires the eye easily, or is it a calming blue or a bright red? I say it is a deep blue, the ocean color. You say it is green, maybe a bright one, like a leaf under sunlight. Lo and behold, a frame battle. Two different worldviews. Assume we both want to win the frame, and we do nothing more than insist on our frame (holding the frame), the conversation would go like this:
- Blue is the best color
- No, it is green
- You are wrong, it is blue
- Certainly a green
I would give it about two or three conversational turns before a fight ensues or the communication stops. The outcomes might vary from swearing to a fist fight, but certainly, a common narrative won’t be achieved. The hint here is that ‘holding frame’ is not enough (unless there is a meta frame running, more on that later). We arrive at the first insight, that soft power controls the frame, i.e. persuasion.
Let’s try again:
- Blue is the best color, because it is the color of the ocean and represents the vast unknown.
- No, green is the best color, the color of the trees that gives life on earth.
Regardless of the outcome, we don’t have a fight anymore, but a conversation. And a conversation that you might win. Hence win the frame battle.
Let us now put soft power into perspective of each gender. Logic is the language of men, whereas women would quickly become bored with such a conversation and tune out. They will cut the communication channel, ensuring no shared narrative (frame). Each gender has distinct communication patterns. It comes down to biology: men communicate with facts and data, while women communicate with feelings and relationships.
When we are in a Daygame set, we use vivid imagery, emotional spikes, and social situations in our stories, exactly because of this. It is the same frame battle translated into women’s language.
The final piece to get the whole picture is the concept of the meta-frame.
The Meta-Frame
Imagine you are an office worker, your boss calls you into his office, hands you a mop, and tells you to clean the office. Chances are, you are going to protest. Now, imagine you are the building’s cleaner in the same situation. You will most likely just do as you are told. Why? I don’t think either the cleaner nor the office worker is excited about the prospect of cleaning the office. But why does one oblige and the other doesn’t?
It is very simple, you say, this is the job of the cleaner, but not of the office worker. Very correct, my friend, we arrive now at the concept of the meta frame, a frame to determine later frames. Meta-frames arise from the need to make sense without fighting every little detail. The latter is called pettiness and it is counterproductive to group order, cohesion and efficiency.
A cleaner accepts the role (frame) that he cleans to get paid; it’s his job. An office worker also follows orders from the boss, but he gets paid to type away his days on a computer (the frame) for money. When the boss calls our perpetrators and demands a clean office (frame), it is congruent with the meta frame of the cleaner (he cleans the place), but not of the office worker. Hence, the first accepts, while with the latter protests. Frames upon frames. Only the end result matters. Are you operating for your own benefit, then this is your frame; if not, you are under someone else’s.
Let’s see some examples of meta frames: You are in the army and the sergeant comes and screams orders at your face, you wimp out and follow. Sounds routine, but to arrive at here, we had a series of meta frames that have been implicitly accepted. Namely:
- The institution of the army exists and is important.
- The hierarchy of the army is strict and orders are followed top down
- You are a soldier
- Soldiers follow the orders of the higher ups
Once you see the bigger picture, even simple actions have a huge track record of how they come to be. Eventually, society-wide meta frames are often called culture, manners and ethics.
The seduction perspective
Why all this rhetoric? We know girls shit test, or, as the daygame community has adopted, frame tests. Why?
At the beginning of the interaction, we establish the first big meta frame, i.e., who are you?: Are you able to stand for yourself, or can she easily move you around? If so, then maybe the things you say later on can be taken more seriously. This is the mechanism of how value is conveyed by passing shit tests. Passing shit tests is establishing meta-frames
Observe the pattern: when do tests happen? When she gets hints of your value changing (for better or worse), and when escalation happens. But what is escalation? A frame change. From we are chatting to holding hands to kissing to hugging, etc., the dynamic of the interaction changes. Once we start hugging or kissing, we are not strangers anymore, we are the people who kiss, so we like each other, etc., i.e., a huge meta-frame change.
Frames are a key concept in seduction and any human negotiation.
