Seduction is an emotionally loaded topic with Ego traps being ten-a-penny. Sadly, as much as lonely a road as it is, in some way or another, we need to learn from someone. That is the required process of “learning” and “getting feedback”.
Seduction advice inadvertently has to cut deep. This is the case because being a Player is a combination of ID, habits, and skills in all areas of life. Hence, much of the advice out there has the practitioner either remaking their entire life or engaging in highly counter-intuitive behaviour. This is normal, and it is part of the process. However, this leaves the student at a vulnerable spot. He needs to trust people he has never met, on the barest hint of authority.
Take the wrong advice to heart, and your life might end up much worse than it started. In this post, we will try to decouple this part: try to demystify how people should process learning and feedback on this topic.
Who comes into Seduction, why maliciousness exists
Internet Alphas aside, it is a fact of life that, for most people, making it as a Player requires conscious effort and deep introspection. Well… most people cannot even begin to do this. It is theory of mind at the deepest lever, and nature just didn’t produce people who can reflect like this en masse.
The path to being a Player is only open to a minority of men who can put in the work, are intelligent enough, and have the capacity for self-reflection. Similarly, the path to becoming a billionaire out of nothing is not open to everyone; it is a combination of luck, genetics, and society. All the hard work comes after this bedrock.
The point is that where there is value, there are scammers. So both categories, seduction and getting rich quick, attract scammers or people who have tried and failed miserably. There are people who want the status without the work, and there are people who will confuse that status as “success” instead of their original goal.
We are ready now to produce our first psychographic profile. Take a moment and look at the world around you, with your own eyes and your own perception. Has it been easy for you to knock out a girl or make her attracted to you? Maybe you had flukes and lucky moments, but do you have a repeatable strategy?
Unless you were born a Natural or life made you an Alpha, the answer should be an astounding NO.
Therefore, screen out all the people who claim Seduction is easy or resort to oversimplifications. Seduction is not easy; you wouldn’t need to learn it if it were easy. It is not simple either, because you would be able to make the theory yourself. Seduction is complicated, nuanced, and hard to master. The only people who will engage with that are people really desperate with no other options in their life.
Some of them might succeed after all the adversity. These are the true coaches, and this is who you should strive to follow and learn from. These are the people who have made changes to their lives in equal measure with what you need to do. Calibrate your learning with people that had to walk the same path.
Want to learn from someone who finds Seduction easy? Are you in the same situation as him for his advice to be applicable to you? (assuming he is not a scammer)
To find such people, it is not enough to read an origin story. You can tell their journey from their writing. Their writing cuts deeper, is more precise, and honest. There is a line in nature to higher complexity. Engagement with something should be the opposite of entropy (regression into chaos); otherwise, it is wasted effort. Read Roissy, Krauser, Rollo, or Mystery, and their journey is engraved into their material. This is what you should be looking for.
Eastern Mysticism and Seduction
I was recently reading “Eye of Shiva” by Amaury de Riencourt. It is an interesting book in itself (at least parts of it), but there was a line that struck me.
In the West, Objectivism and Materialism have shaped the mind to believe in objective knowledge. For example, take mathematics: you learn addition to learn… addition. The point is to take 2 and 5 together and produce the result, 7. What matters is the outcome of the addition, the answer. Therefore, knowledge is independent of the student, and knowledge is the goal itself.
In short, what we are taught in the West is that the process can be boxed, standardized, and repeated by everyone. This is how school works, this is why everyone knows the same addition.
Now, take Eastern Mysticism, knowledge and endgoal outcomes are fairly simple. However, this is half the picture, because how Mystics arrive at the conclusion is the point itself. For this goal, to guide the student into his own form of realization, it is a long tradition that teaching is adjusted to the needs of the student by a master. Teaching is personal, calibrated and evolving in real time.
Seduction is similar to that; there might be some principles of confident or attractive behaviour, but the way it applies to each participant is different. To contrast the earlier example, Eastern Mysticism would say: for you specifically, the way you arrive at the result that 2+5=7 is the whole discipline itself. What matters is not the result, the 7, what matters is how you understood and felt the 5+2 part.
Therefore, when it comes to emotional learning and realization that are required for Seduction, the process has to be highly personalized; the process is not independent from the student, it is intermingled! Seduction is closer to Eastern philosophy than to Western mind!
There are qualitative differences in how material is written and interpreted for the students, because for each student, the way to learn and understand it is different. Even if the end result is the same.
Coaching and mentoring
We can put coaching into perspective now. What is the coach’s true task? Take the known material and pop out a full-blown discipline that is applicable and calibrated to the student. Because adjusting the material to the student is a new discipline by itself.
A coaching session, in action
As you can see, this is a process that requires commitment and time far beyond what people from either side (mainly from the coach’s though) are willing to invest. Even if the coach charges you 2,000$ for his course, is he giving you a personalized path to walk upon, or is he giving you a packaged process like “addition” that we discussed before?
This reveals the limits of coaching. Simply put, it is my hard belief that it cannot really help people past the intermediate stage. Because it goes contrary to the true process of learning Seduction. It gets even worse when the student wants to transition to advanced stages and has to walk his own path. Getting caged into a packaged version of things, usually from the coach’s personal experiences, leads only to ruin and inhibition.
Disclaimer: There probably is value in coaching for the beginner stages, because there the student gets some initial (but usually short-lived) confidence and can set some good habits straight.
On advice and fighting other people’s Ego
The earlier sections focused on learning. This section will focus on advice in general. The problem with getting advice is that it is always an Ego fight. The majority of advice out there is shit, either in forums or in video form (for example, infields). Because, similar to female competition, advice is not meant as advice; it is meant as a status game.
Advice is aimed at proving the person giving advice is in a higher position (and validating his worldview), while putting the person asking the advice in a lower position (and invalidating his viewpoint). Simply put, this is why so much advice is being given without justification. Providing justification would equate the two participants on equal status level, it would make them a band together against an impersonal problem… but you see, doing this (being equal) is not the point!
Even worse, advice many times is not only aimed at as a status game. To solidify the status discrepancy the advice aims at domination. That is why advice is counter-productive, by making the person engage in self-harming behaviour; it is essentially domination without doing the dirty work. It is quite plausible that some unconscious part of the person taking the advice, his Self (Jung), knows what’s up, and therefore engaging in that behaviour is an unconscious act of submission. The next time you question why 99% of relationship advice out there edges people to “break up” instead of actually solving the problem… now you know why.
The root cause of all this is the Ego. The process is mainly unconscious and not deliberate, however still usually harmful to the person receiving it. The Ego as a structure aims to preserve the person’s worldview, to protect the individual from the chaos of an unstructured world and social relationships. In the latter perspective, most of the ideas and objects become survival threats that require immediate or extreme action or reassessment. In short, people aim to protect themselves before they give advice to others. Just accept it for what it is, and it will resolve much confusion. Explore my essay on the history of thought, and much of this will make sense.
On valuable advice
Regardless, it is a fact of life that advice is required a decent amount of time, and also not all advice is shit. We now aim to investigate this part.
The first saving grace is the realization we had earlier on emotional learning. Much alike to earlier discussion, advice is not decoupled from the person giving the advice. Therefore, the advice is as good as the person giving it, and also as good as the person’s goals align with yours. There will be people who are willing to band with you and face a problem together; these people are your friends.
The second saving grace is that for advice to be effective, it doesn’t need to be correct. Think about it, why do we ask for advice? To learn something we cannot think of ourselves. Hence, the value of advice is on the different viewpoint. The new information. How this advice is processed and practiced is your responsibility as the recipient. It is like individual puzzle pieces that you have to filter out and connect at the end. Take true ownership of your own actions, and the process for this will become both evident and actionable.
However, be highly critical of when people’s goals are not aligning with yours. The more people are engaged in the status game, the less good the advice will be, sometimes fatally so. This is even worse when coupled with the halo effect, the fact that we perceive people of status as competent. Like all evolutionary traps, the halo effect aims to maintain the status hierarchy and promote group cohesion, i.e., keep you in place. Advice should always be justified and ideally, falsifiable.
