One of the things that Manosphere has really missed the mark on, is girls’ cheating behaviour during a relationship. The running assumption is that the moment you turn your back around, she will jump the first squared-jaw guy she will see.
While cheating certainly does exist out there, modern Game theory has evolved beyond that. Whether or not she will cheat on you is within your hand to either influence or see it coming. The mechanism behind all this is frame control.
But let us get everything in line.
The Origins of the Cheating Myth
It is long known, and a fundamental point of Rollo Tomassi, that men hate the idea of being cuckolded. Evolutionary speaking, being cuckolded is the ultimate loss for the male. He wastes his entire genetic potential to raise another man’s children.
The reasons for the cheating female are very simple. She is optimizing hypergamy, with the real father providing genetic quality and the fake father providing resources. A point we will come back to later is that this model completely ignores the internal madness that it causes to the female (staying with the beta father).
Empirically, this model is accurate enough to describe what is happening to large parts of society. Players discovered it, because they were advertising themselves as the Alpha guy, with the girl jumping them being the wife of the Beta.
With both theory and empirical evidence established, we have the total distortions of the original concepts. Mainstream attention has come to this, with “street reporters” interviewing girls who supposedly fuck 10 guys at the same time and cheat on a dime.
The cracks to the popular narrative
This is a topic that has truth and fiction mixed in, so we have a lot of ground to cover.
It is true, hypergamy doesn’t care, and girls will cheat the average Beta no-hoper. But we need to introduce nuance to the emotional mechanisms for her to do so. Unless we are talking about a total psychopath, which exist but are rare, the girl has to emotionally rationalize her behaviour to herself.
This becomes doubly more important when we want to investigate who has a relationship with her. Because the tenet of the PUA theory is to be the Player, to be the Alpha archetype, not the Beta. Even if the relationship is casual and non-monogamous from your end, for you, who practice Game, the rules we outlined earlier don’t apply.
As the Alpha, Sigma, or simply put high-value guy, you enjoy privileges in regards to her sexual behaviour towards you. For the Beta guy, she has no respect, and cheating is easy to ensue. For the Alpha guy, she has respect: she can’t cheat if she somehow doesn’t degrade you in her mind.
That last line is on the money. It is why frame control matters, and it is why, as (high-value) men, we have significantly more agency than you would otherwise think.
The roadmap to cheating: Betatization
Before we delve into frame control in depth, let us first see how the girl gets “freed” from a high-value man. How she instinctually aims to degrade you, so she can jump another guy.
There is no morality for this. From the female perspective, it is to her advantage to maximize genetic variability for her children. Four children from 4 different fathers, evolutionary speaking, are a better bet than 4 children from one father. For further discussion on this, I refer to the Biology section of this article.
Therefore, the female has incentive to eventually dump you. In humans, this happens through the well-observed Betatization process, which has been described in the book Practical Female Psychology [by Clare, and South]. It is a five-step process summarised below:
- Shit tests. Goal: test boundaries
- Seek communication. Goal: befuddle, and obtain footholds after boundaries have softened.
- Put him to work. Goal: control and resources obtainment. Capitalize on step 2.
- Evolutionary selfishness. Goal: realization of the male’s diminished value, destroy attraction for him.
- Self-determination. Goal: free herself from the relationship (or cheat), “I am my own woman”.
As the authors put it, this is a psychological death for the human male. Cruel, but at least not as cruel as the Mantis or Black Widow sex behaviour where they eat the male as they mate.
The realization is the following: if she has sex with you, at some point, you had value in her eyes. How fast you will go with the Betatization process is on you (and your life in general, not only your Game). She will cheat on steps 4 or 5, this is when she becomes emotionally free to do whatever she wants. If pieces fall into place, this process might never complete.
Therefore, we now have a model to explain frame control.
Frame Control
I encourage the readers to remind themselves of the true definition of Frame, as this is a term that has been distorted in the Manosphere lately.
A quick summary follows: Frame is the mental concept of reality in the eyes of the individual. As reality is subjective, Frame is subjective and thus open to being influenced by other agents. For women, with a strong innate preference for emotional communication, controlling the frame is a skill of connecting your worldview with emotional feelings appropriate for her.
Therefore, your long term goal in the relationship is to not be Betatized. On a practical level, you have to resist the process outlined earlier. Your progress on that process is measured by her emotional reactions to you, on the axis of Male dominance – Female submission. In plain English, how keen and interested she is towards you. The real point both of these concepts measure is power, which indicates the relative Value imbalance (behavioural, built, and innate) between you and her.
Everything together
In the relationship, the female’s attacks ultimately manifest in attacks on the male’s self-esteem. They are attacks on respect. Her respect is measured by (positive signals):
- How much agreeable and,
- Keen she is to you
And the opposite of how little (negative signals):
- Commanding,
- Nagging and,
- Disagreeable she is to you.
The point here is that both aspects will happen at the same time. From your end, you need to be ultra-sensitive to the negative signals and turn them into positive signals. Remember that frame ultimately lies in soft power, so there is a correct and a not correct way to turn things around. Eventually, negative signals reduce to generalized shit tests, so take inspiration from the collective PUA theory.
I repeat, that it is not a question of not having negative signals; by the laws of female sexuality, these will come. The longer you are dating, the more those will intensify. This is nature telling her she needs to switch partners. However, every situation should be manageable from a strategic viewpoint of agency. The only question is how much you want to invest in the interaction.
That is why spacing out meetings is so valuable. Simply put, boundaries (phase 1) cannot be tested if you are not next to each other. That is why familiarity breeds content at the deepest level. That is also why dread game is sometimes advocated. The space between meetings will fill those with dopamine (expected reward chemical) and leave less time for the Betatizing process to start. The sweet spot is around 2 times a week, with 3 on special occasions.
The fruits of frame control
We now do a full circle. The girl won’t cheat on you unless you have been Betatized. No matter how nagging she is, she won’t cheat as long as you handle the situation properly.
The corollary also holds that when she is about to cheat, the negative signals will intensify. If you are sensitive to those, you should be able to tell when it is about to happen. It is not magic, it is observation.
Finally, the nail in the coffin is access to sex. Under normal relationship rules, she shouldn’t be denying you sex, unless there is an obvious and objective reason. You should be able to tell that reason exactly because it is obvious, for example, heavy period.
[But ultimately, you will be able to tell how credible that reason is vs to how the current situation is (that she denied you sex) relative to the bigger meta-frame of the relation.]
Because if she ever denies you sex, except under the most extreme situations, the relationship is over. You are Betatized, and you won’t be able to turn it around. Better end it sooner, before the whole thing explodes in your face and hurts you emotionally more. Remember, Betatization is a process of psychological death. The end of the road is you feeling like garbage.
Supreme frame control
Contrary to everything we have described, there is the reality of masterful frame control.
Some people confuse masterful frame control with value discrepancy, but the real interaction is that frame control is easier if you have greater value than her (soft power is easier to impose).
This is the world where the male does whatever he wants. There have been multiple cases where I have openly told girls I date others, and after a few days of them being indecisive, they decided they don’t care. In one extreme case, I was dating a girl and her best friend at the same time. I was subtle, but both girls were in full knowledge; they just… didn’t care.
Do everything correctly and the limits of female sexuality are truly unimaginable.
Standard Manosphere advice aims to target the first stages of a relationship where the Betatization process is yet to take place. I agree with that advice overall; it is easier to swap girls than commit to an increasingly nagging or inquisitive one. However, the latter is also possible, as showcased in this article. Go on, friend, the world is your oyster.
